You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
