YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize