i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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