You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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