I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
