Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
