yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
