Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
