so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
