Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
