i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
