Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
