The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
