You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
