don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
