Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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