I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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