The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
