i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
