you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
