guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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