Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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