I wish I could teleport
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
