we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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