I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In America we eat man semen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize