you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
