i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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