Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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