Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
