Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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