wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
