if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
