I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
