Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
