i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
