So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
