I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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