I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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