Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
