i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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