I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
accomplished twins. life is a go
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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