i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
