If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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