HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
