Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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