Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
