Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
