I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
