fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
