girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
