we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
