he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize