Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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