okay pat passed out under dana's car
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
