the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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