her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
