I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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