and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
