Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
