You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Enjoy the penises
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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