Need sex. Gaining weight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
