Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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