Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
