Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
