I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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