perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
