no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
