i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
