Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
