omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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