She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
