I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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