Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
