you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
