you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
