Ambien. No doubt about it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
