last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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