if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize