pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
