Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize