I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
