Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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