I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
