I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
