So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
