I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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