two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
