coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
