is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize