I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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