You smell like stripper and shame
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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