How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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