I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
