I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ttyl tear gas
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
