My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
