Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize