Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The uberlube is also flammable
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize