Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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