i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
