I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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